Me and My Spongebob Obsession.

So Sick of This.

  My father and I...
  We used to be so close.
  When I was a little girl, I remember all of he things that we used to do, like going to the ranch and go fishing, swimming in the river, go camping, fly a kite. I remember how it used to be and i miss the old him. Now he is married to this hag, who has changed him. Somewhat, for the better, but as far as our relationship goes, it has taken a drastic change. I don't even want to see him or talk to him anymore. He says that he misses me and he says that he'll come to town and watch me play in a tournament, but alas, look at where we are... No where.
  We are stranded, and there is no way out. I'm running from his words, because i know they are meaningless... What am i supposed to do about this?
  I'm so sick of him saying things to me and it all just becoming a lie.
  I'm so sick of his stupid wife medaling in with our bond.
  He's not apart of my life... If he missed me, he would try to make an effort to see me. Yet, I am the one making plans to see him.
  I am the one that cries at the thought of this topic...
  I am the one who is effected.

Cliche Movie Moment in Walmart.

So today, i went to walmart... and as i was checking out, all of my change from my wallet fell out and spilled all onto the floor. Well sure enough this guy at the register next to me rushes over and helps me pick it all up. I kept saying "Thank You" over and over again, and he just was laughing and looking at me like "It's really not a big deal, I'm happy to help."

As i walked back to catch up with my mom, she looked at me and said "It must be nice to be young and pretty, to have people so willing to help you out over spilled change." and i was like "hahaha Sure mom."

My Grandfather.

My grandfather had been diagnosed with kidney cancer a while back...
Before his diagnoses, he never went to church, and he was sort of a grouch, i loved him regardless. He was that type of person that is like "I'll do what i want when i want,and ain't nothin gonna change that." My grandmother has always wanted a man that is faithful to God, but respected that he didn't want to go, so every Sunday morning my grandmother, and my mentally handicapped aunt would leave to worship service... without him.
After his diagnoses, he goes to church every Sunday unless he is really sick, he is willing and he is so much more loving. He counts his blessings. Every time i see him, he gives me a big hug, and won't let me leave until he gets another one. He laughs more, my grandfather is more of a man than he has ever been. My grandmother even has the man of her dreams, after 40-some years of marriage.


GIFSoup

but at what cost?

Collage of Doodles.

What i managed to accomplish today during school...

RESPECT TO YOU, SIR MAN OF HOMELESSNESS.

School.

So today is the last day of tennis practice, and the year is coming to an end. It's almost strange, looking back at how things have progressed over time. I feel like everything is slowly closing in around me. As if the big red curtain is drawing in to close off the stage, and the audiance of my family and friends who have watched me overcome some of the biggest battles for me personally, stand up and clap and cheer. In my head i have it pictured like that. Almost like Shakespears quote... "All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages" That was truly an extraordinary piece. I am somewhat in love with him...
Regardless, schools over....





 I MADE IT BEYOTCH. THE. END. >83

Running

Looking out the window I see that the wind is letting out its mighty power, and the cloudy, gray sky gives the sense that it is chilly outside. My hand touches the icy glass and when I pull away there is a foggy outlined print of my hand. The cold glass leaves my palm feeling chilled, it almost like I touched the devils stone heart. The sun has escaped, and I can’t see my other form of sunshine. I can’t see him today. I go and hide away in his arms from everything that has hit me right now. It’s as if the wind has brought in everything that I’ve been trying to hide from for the past year. Everything from school, to me, to my parents, to my family and my friends. I can’t do anything about it. I watch as my foggy outlined hand print slowly leaves the glass. It like watching you leave all over again. See your hand disappear from my grasp, watching it all fade out, feeling you running away from me. I miss it all. I’ve been running for so long. Babe, please, help me stop running, but you have to realize that I can’t break free without your help. I touch the glass again… Every time I touch it, the bitterness of the harsh cold glass just reminds me that I am still alive in this spinning world.  I guess I’ll spend forever here next to this frozen sheet of glass, listening to our song on repeat, until I can’t cry anymore tears, until I decide to get up and run again. 

5.1.11