She.

Fragile as a flower swaying in the summer winds, she’s as beautiful as the setting sun on the west coast. She shines just like the stars at night. She’s all mine, and she has set me free. The way she finds beauty in the sun reflecting off of things makes me wonder how on Earth someone can have eyes as open as her beautiful browns. She keeps me guessing with all of her crazy thoughts, which makes me love her even more than before. Every day I find another reason to love her… Today she fell asleep laying on my lap. As I ran my rough fingers through her silky wavy hair, I noticed the beauty in her slumber. Her eyes moving underneath her eyelids, she’s dreaming of greater, majestic things.  Things I can only see through her when given the chance; just another reason to love this wonderfully built human. Today is our sixtieth wedding anniversary, and she still is as beautiful as that day our eyes first met.

-Katie Perner- 7.24.11. <3 

My Wisdom Teeth Removal Experience.

What you’re about to read is the story of everything that I was told happened, and everything that I actually do remember. 

 Walking into the building, my stomach was churning and I was so nervous. In my arms was my Beatles blanket to keep me warm during the surgery. I realize that this sounds over-the-top, but I was scared out of my wit that something was going to go wrong, and on top of that, I’ve never been put to sleep, for anything, so this entire experience was completely new to me. While I waiting for them to call my name, I was beginning to get really antsy, I couldn’t sit still to save my life, So I got up and began to jog in place, waiting for my name to be called… “Katelyn?” I looked up the nurse, “Yes?”  “We’re ready for you.” She said with a kind smile. I admire nurses for the disgusting things that they do, but that’s beside the point.

 As I sat down in the death chair, they began to put the oxygen tube around my nose, then attached (what seemed to be) a zillion wires from on arm to the other, monitoring everything. Then came in the doc. He hooked me up with the goods. He sat down next to me and asked, “How’s your summer been?” At this point, I was already teary eyes from just being overwhelmed by it all. I gave him a blank stare, as my mind went blank. All I could think about was that dang needle that was about to be put into my arm. (for the record, I HATE needles.) As stuck it into my arm, I looked away and let a few tears fall. The poor nurse, I’m sure, was thrilled to wipe them away and tell me the horrid lies that it was all going to be okay.  

 The last thing that I remember before I fell asleep was the strange feeling that I had. It began as a little bit of burning in my throat, and then progressed into my entre mouth becoming tingly. This all happened within second, by the way.

 Waking up hyperventilating, having all types of crazy beeping noises, and nurses in my face telling me to slow my breathing was… unusual to say the least. I was a little confused at first, as to what all was going on, so I began to cry and asking for my mom. The nurse told me that I needed to stop talking, to bite on the gauze, but alas, I wouldn’t shut up, and I began to hyperventilate and cry more, which caused more beeping and noises that I assume were my oxygen levels and heart beat speeding up and going crazy. As the doctor walked in, he closed my mouth with his hand and told me to stop talking. To which I snapped back and said, “I’ll stop talking when my mom gets in here!” This progressed into an argument, but I got what I wanted in the end, and I never did shut up. I talked… a lot, and apparently on the way home, I was humming and touching my feeling less face, you’ll hear more about that later… Standing up while you’re sedated is the trippiest thing I have ever experienced in my life. It’s like your legs weigh 100lbs each, and are completely useless, than your head gets really heavy, to me it felt like I was spinning and I was so dizzy. It was weird…. crazy weird.  They sat me in the wheelchair and wheeled me out to the car. (I was crying this entire time, by the way.)

 Here we are, the glorious car ride home. Apparently, I was touching my face, a lot, and was somewhat singing, more or less humming, a Beatles song. I don’t know which one, hah, but I was. I kept asking a lot of questions, the same ones, over and over. The most popular one was, “Where is my phone?”  (My mom had it.) I kept messing with stuff in the car, and I fell asleep halfway there.

  That is pretty much the end of that, I suppose. I will never like dentists, I will never forget this. Hopefully, I’ll have no more surgeries for a while, because I was weirded out for a while.

 My mom wouldn’t let me record all this, that’s why I wrote it.

Stay wise, my friends. (;

-Katie Perner

7.11.11

Bottle.

  The window let’s in the sun’s light, it’s almost an attempt to show him that life will go on. He squints at the blinding light, and pulls the blinds down. Nothing has been the same since that night. It’s been years, but he won’t leave the moment. Time around him races, but his world stands at a halt. He’s never been so devastated. He can’t sleep, because she’s in his dreams. He puts the bottle to his lips and the bitter whiskey kisses them. The taste is so familiar to him now. He hasn’t eaten in a week. He’s a wreck. He keeps his door locked, and the key to heart is now gone. Combing his hair back, he closes his eyes, and he fades away to brighter days…

 They’re sitting on the front porch, watching the sunset, and he combs her honey brown hair out of her face. She touches her belly and says to him, “Let’s name her Ally.” He smiles and says, “That’s a beautiful name, sweetheart.” They kissed and then he comes back to reality and lets the tears flood the room once again. They shatter to pieces on the crushed beer cans, all so similar to the way that his heart has become a cold, distant place. He isn’t alive anymore…

 As he sits in the hot shower water, he fades out of reality once again, back to the day that he can’t let go of. The day that she and the baby died… It comes in flashes, and he can feel his weak heart sink lower into chest as he watches her lips mouth, “I’ll see you soon, I love you…” Her voice was lost in the sounds of sirens, and her face was painted with splashes of shades of red, white, and blue. He holds her head in his arms, he combs her honey brown hair out of her face, and he kisses her stale lips. His tears slide down and soak into her dying skin. He glances off at the wreckage, seeing nothing, but what has destroyed his life. What came to him in a beautiful package was lost to the slippery asphalt…

 He can’t let the light in, because she was his sunshine. He can’t let life in, because she was his breath. He can’t forget, because she was his entire world. He can’t go on this way. Something has to give, but he stands tall, and takes another swig from that bottle. He’ll drink it all away so he can get some sleep. He’ll drink away, from the bottle that she was drinking from that night.

Katie Perner

7.3.11. <3

Motorcycle Helmet.

Here is the helmet that I promised to show you guys like a week ago... d:
It took a grand total of three and a half hours to do.

Visual Journal.

This is my 'Visual Journal'.

 It is simply, whatever you want it to be. Mine is the gateway into my world, get your hands on it and you will observe all of the darker things in my life that I hide away from the outside world. Things are in this journal that I would never show anyone except my own eyes. I keep it hidden in my room. I take it with me when I leave the house for a few days... It's become my artistic diary, if you will.
 Regardless, it's not something that you'll see me posting about. It's my heart, my soul, my tears, transformed into a book. One small, brown book.

Sundropping. (It's a verb.)

My friend and I, just being our self's.

Learn the meaning of "Sundropping."

Welcome Home.

  The stale sweat on my hair line has dust in it from the intense winds. This entire summer has been nothing but sweat and tears, waiting for something pure, clean, and a welcoming degree of cold. My skin, oily, my hair, filled with dirt, my heart sinking down into my chest, knowing that it won’t ever happen anytime soon. Why am I still thinking that this thing, this “rain” that has become an unfamiliar friend, would come back to me? So many days, I look out my window and saw no children running around, playing games, just simply because the heat was too much for their little bodies. Public pools have been over flowing with kids, but nothing can cool you down and wash away your pain like this water from heaven. Alas, after the horrible drought, the clouds slowly roll in to cover the once, cloudless sky. The thunder sends a smile on my face, a warning of what’s to come. Watching out my window, seconds tick by, and then, one single, solitary drop trickled down my window seal. Instantly, I flew out the door, letting my skin feel the clean water drop off my fingertips. I throw my head back, and like a child, I still my tongue out, letting the water moisten my once dry mouth. My hair I being cleansed and everything is washing away. A tear slides my face, a tear of joy. The birds are singing and flying in the beautiful downpour. Looking down the street, I watch people react to the new feature to our crusty desert. Welcome home, my good friend.
Katie Perner
6.21.11. <3

Tomorrow, The Next Week, and Last Week.

This past week, I've been at my dads house. We had a good time, as usual, I took a butt load of pictures of all the crazy thing that I saw day to day. As far as Amy (the step mother) goes, she was really distant this whole past week. It was weird... I don't know. I never know with her. I can't make up my mind to like her not. I want to like her, she is my step mom, but sometimes, that lady just sends me over the edge. It takes a lot to not explode.
On a lighter note, this coming up week I get to be the mom pretty much. My step dad (Ray, who I refer to as dad, as well) is flying out to Kansas city Monday morning (tomorrow), and my mom works till 5:30, but doesn't usually get home till around 6. So it'll just be me and my bro (if you have any suggestions on what we should do, please, leave them in the comments) luckily, I'm getting payed extra this week because I do have to watch him for such a longer time period!
Tomorrow... I get to see Ryan <3 . I'm going over to his house and we're going to watch a couple of movies and whatever else, I'm excited that I finally get to see him after such a long time period.... He's probably more excited than I am, but that's the way he is.

Well, I guess that's about all for now guys! DON'T FORGET THOSE SUGGESTIONS.
Also, I got this Visual Journal thing, it's pretty awesome. I am planning on keeping kind of private though... I'll tell you more about that later. While I was in Austin, I found this REALLY neat paper, it's called "Sun-Art" I'm going to try it, post a picture, and tell you more later.
OH! I painted a motorcycle helmet! IT'S AWESOME. (Again, I'll post and write about it later.)

Later Guys!

Amazing Grace.

...I once was lost, but now I'm found...
 I was a lost soul, who didn't know the difference between what love actually was, and what I thought love meant. You were a friend to me, you never wanted anything from me, except to know me. So you began to break down my walls, and open my doors. You showed me life, happiness, and friendship. Who are you to just waltz into my life, thinking that you could just break me down into a little pile of dust? You know me, every freckle, every hair, every heartbeat. You have me in your hands, your warm, gentle hands.
 I'm a pile of dust, you let me go, free to blow away, dance in the winds, feel the worlds spins, see the world from a new perspective. You knew that I'd come back to you... After all my wonderful journeys, you sculpted me into who I am right this very moment, I am yours.
... I am found... Amazing Grace... How sweet the sound...
 Now everything is so clear, so vast, so beautiful. You just smile and look at me, with nothing to ask for in return.
 Beautiful people were put on this Earth for a reason, I believe now in what people are capable of doing. You tell me that I have saved you from yourself... I believe we've saved each other, together.

...That saved a wretch like me.

-Katie Perner-
6.13.11 <3

Little Brother.

 So free and life is so vast with his whimsical imagination. When I come home from a visit with my father, he was always there with a smile and he would wrap his little arms around me. Instantly I'd smile and kiss the top of his cold, bald head. He knew how to take it all away for a brief moment. Sometimes I wonder if he knows when I need to laugh. Even when he sees me cry, he says childish things to make me laugh, he'd sit beside me and stay there until it all stopped. He didn't know that his cancer was tearing his body down.He kept that smile on his face. He wouldn't let the doctors tell him not to play around. He was just another kid to them. He was just my parents son, but to me, he was so much more.
 I'll miss you, little brother.

Katie Perner
-5.12.11-

Ryan.

Yes, I am going to blog about my boyfriend.... here I go.
 So the last time that I saw him was in May, I miss him so much... We have both been busy, and our schedules have just clashed. He's been in Hawaii, I've been at the ranch, and when he gets back, I'm leaving again. Granted, I will have one day to spend with him. But I really don't want to go to my dads house.... whatever... I could go on and on... but, it doesn't matter.
Nobody will get passed the first sentence.

This was totally pointless...

I need some friends.

Not The Best...

I'm thinking that I'm going to try pastels soon. I have done it in the past, But just like everything else, it's been a long, long time... Hope whatever I create turns out okay... d:

Painting.

Even If It Kills Me.

Have I lost it? Has the feeling really left me? All this time it's been right at my fingertips, but lately, nothing has been as exciting. The Earth has become an eerie shade of gray. I wish that I could pick up that dusty paint brush, and give back the colors that used to be so vivid. The sun is no longer that blinding shade yellow, instead, I stare at the way that is doesn't warm my pale skin anymore. It's as if Mother Earth has a cold, and I am the only one who is being effected the way that she has been affected. I wish that there was something I could do to bring all that I once had. My talent has left me, and here I am, being told that I'm talented... I wish that I could show them my latest piece, but rather, I have to show them something that was done so long ago. Time is a beautiful thing isn't it? The way that it effected us. The way it ages us, the way it has faded away my creativity. It has become too often that I pick up the pen, and stare at the page, trying to find any type of existence of what I once had inside of me, but alas, I set it back down, and walk away. The same thing applies to my art, It's so dull, lifeless, expressionless.
What has happened to me?
I stare at my hands, and watch them wither away, then disappear into the wind. I will find my way back to the way that things used to be, even if it kills me. I will become what people think that I am, I have to show them, prove to them, that I can do this.
Don't let this fade like the Earth has over the years, Let it come back to life, let it soak into my skin, and let me do this. I can't let this go, it will destroy me.
Even if it kills me.... I'm going to get it back... Even it it kills me.

SAFETY DANCE.

God-Given Talent to Sew.

I, Kt Perner, Have NEVER even touched a sewing machine, in my life. While I have failed to recognize how much work is put into sewing, I took on the challenge to make something, So I made an apron...
As I was practicing how to sew, I realized that I was already a total pro at this. So I moved on, to the final product... As I was playing my iPod, and sewing like a beast,

I came across an issue... When will ever use this apron? I mean, I cook and stuff, but usually I only do so at the ranch, so... *insert le evil grin*

I'll just have to cook more often...

Anyways... After three days of constant sewing like a champ, I finished. Sewing that final stitch was exhilarating, let me tell you. It's like being one step away from crossing that white ribbon of a 5k race!
When I finished up that monster, I did a dance and held it in the air like it was trophy.
My first reaction:


Which then grew into:

Nod my head in satisfaction:

Pose for the camerasss!!!:

Add that all together and you get this!!!:

Beauty.

Beauty is everything she’s longed for. He was a boy in love with a girl who wouldn’t give him a chance. She was girl who just wanted this strong friendship to stay that way, fearing that he would become just like all the others. Slowly, after late night phone calls of her crying and him just listening, they became a couple.

Beauty shines through the trees, spilling onto the dirt path. It’s as if the sun is reaching through and touching my face as I pass through the wooded area. I walk along in my summer dress with a melody playing around in my head. The sweet smell of his cologne is near and is making the tips of my lips curl up into a smile. When I open my eyes to find his looking at mine, I stop and his warm hand comes up to my face. Nothing else can break the calming silence right now, because nothing else is heard except for the rustling of trees and the sounds of lover’s heart beats.

Beauty is a word he uses to describe me. Although I deny it, he will never give up on it. He pulls me into his body and enfolds his arms around me. I let myself go, and he is the only one who has looked past everything and has seen a girl who has the potential to love, but whose heart is shattered and wounded. He saw me and he showed me very slowly and tenderly what a twisted world can quickly become a beautiful one with love.

 “Beauty should not be a size 00 model… beauty should be what makes you happy. It should that thing that keeps you in awe; it should be whatever you want it to be…” She says to him quietly, and with a kiss to her forehead, he reply’s “Then you are my definition of Beauty.”

Katie Perner

5.22.11 

Record Player.

I have had a passion for photo editing for a while now, and since I am at the ranch, there is a lot to take in and take a picture of. Although I could photo edit all day long, I'd like to share with you a picture that I've edited just a few moments ago.
Now, I absoultly LOVE old record players, in fact when I get a house of my own, I'm going to purchase one and gather up old records. They are the beginning of portable music, and they are still a big thing today.
Alas, here is my recent photo... Enjoy!

Me and My Spongebob Obsession.

So Sick of This.

  My father and I...
  We used to be so close.
  When I was a little girl, I remember all of he things that we used to do, like going to the ranch and go fishing, swimming in the river, go camping, fly a kite. I remember how it used to be and i miss the old him. Now he is married to this hag, who has changed him. Somewhat, for the better, but as far as our relationship goes, it has taken a drastic change. I don't even want to see him or talk to him anymore. He says that he misses me and he says that he'll come to town and watch me play in a tournament, but alas, look at where we are... No where.
  We are stranded, and there is no way out. I'm running from his words, because i know they are meaningless... What am i supposed to do about this?
  I'm so sick of him saying things to me and it all just becoming a lie.
  I'm so sick of his stupid wife medaling in with our bond.
  He's not apart of my life... If he missed me, he would try to make an effort to see me. Yet, I am the one making plans to see him.
  I am the one that cries at the thought of this topic...
  I am the one who is effected.

Cliche Movie Moment in Walmart.

So today, i went to walmart... and as i was checking out, all of my change from my wallet fell out and spilled all onto the floor. Well sure enough this guy at the register next to me rushes over and helps me pick it all up. I kept saying "Thank You" over and over again, and he just was laughing and looking at me like "It's really not a big deal, I'm happy to help."

As i walked back to catch up with my mom, she looked at me and said "It must be nice to be young and pretty, to have people so willing to help you out over spilled change." and i was like "hahaha Sure mom."

My Grandfather.

My grandfather had been diagnosed with kidney cancer a while back...
Before his diagnoses, he never went to church, and he was sort of a grouch, i loved him regardless. He was that type of person that is like "I'll do what i want when i want,and ain't nothin gonna change that." My grandmother has always wanted a man that is faithful to God, but respected that he didn't want to go, so every Sunday morning my grandmother, and my mentally handicapped aunt would leave to worship service... without him.
After his diagnoses, he goes to church every Sunday unless he is really sick, he is willing and he is so much more loving. He counts his blessings. Every time i see him, he gives me a big hug, and won't let me leave until he gets another one. He laughs more, my grandfather is more of a man than he has ever been. My grandmother even has the man of her dreams, after 40-some years of marriage.


GIFSoup

but at what cost?

Collage of Doodles.

What i managed to accomplish today during school...

RESPECT TO YOU, SIR MAN OF HOMELESSNESS.

School.

So today is the last day of tennis practice, and the year is coming to an end. It's almost strange, looking back at how things have progressed over time. I feel like everything is slowly closing in around me. As if the big red curtain is drawing in to close off the stage, and the audiance of my family and friends who have watched me overcome some of the biggest battles for me personally, stand up and clap and cheer. In my head i have it pictured like that. Almost like Shakespears quote... "All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages" That was truly an extraordinary piece. I am somewhat in love with him...
Regardless, schools over....





 I MADE IT BEYOTCH. THE. END. >83

Running

Looking out the window I see that the wind is letting out its mighty power, and the cloudy, gray sky gives the sense that it is chilly outside. My hand touches the icy glass and when I pull away there is a foggy outlined print of my hand. The cold glass leaves my palm feeling chilled, it almost like I touched the devils stone heart. The sun has escaped, and I can’t see my other form of sunshine. I can’t see him today. I go and hide away in his arms from everything that has hit me right now. It’s as if the wind has brought in everything that I’ve been trying to hide from for the past year. Everything from school, to me, to my parents, to my family and my friends. I can’t do anything about it. I watch as my foggy outlined hand print slowly leaves the glass. It like watching you leave all over again. See your hand disappear from my grasp, watching it all fade out, feeling you running away from me. I miss it all. I’ve been running for so long. Babe, please, help me stop running, but you have to realize that I can’t break free without your help. I touch the glass again… Every time I touch it, the bitterness of the harsh cold glass just reminds me that I am still alive in this spinning world.  I guess I’ll spend forever here next to this frozen sheet of glass, listening to our song on repeat, until I can’t cry anymore tears, until I decide to get up and run again. 

5.1.11